The Affair 13 (Who Am I)

Me nd Nyree slept the night away and i awoke a little later then Nyree, i awoke the smell of Bacon,Eggs,Toast,nd Pancakes. i laid in the bed a little longer nd Nyree walked towards me with 2 plates in his hand. he told me he wanted me to rest all day and he was going to take care of me. we ate our food in silence and i ate all the food he cooked for me i was very hungry i downed my juice and handed Nyree my plate. i walked into my bathroom and climbed n the shower, i took a long shower and relaxed myself i washed my hair and brushed my teeth Nyree knocked on the door and asked me was everything ok because I had been in the bathroom for about a hour. I told him yes, i stood naked in the mirror i looked at my body and the tears began to form in my eyes, i ran my hand across my stomach and thought about the 2 kids i had already lost. i sobbed lowly but Nyree knew i wasnt ok, he walked in the bathroom and stood behind me with his arms around me hugging me, he whispered that he wasnt upset and that me and him would have several kids in the future, i looked on the bright side and i thought yea, i put on some of Nyree’s boxers and a wife beater and i walked back into my bedroom. i was full from the breakfast Nyree cooked and I just wanted to sleep more but i told my self i was going to tell Nyree who i was. Nyree laid next to me nd i looked him eyes and asked did he love me. he said yes, i took a deep breath here goes, Baby i was born to a woman who should have never been givin a child, my mother was a drunk and my father wasn’t around when i was young. I called all my Mothers boyfriends uncle and if they lasted long enough to move in they where “daddy” I had at least 7 daddies growing up lol my mother always chose them over me, when i was 7 my mothers boyfriend tried to sleep with me and when i did not do as i was told he beat me like i was a fucking grown man, THAT mutherfucka beat me for not putting my mouth on his penis. My mother took his side she told me that i needed to learn to be obedient, i told her what he tried to make me do and she didnt believe me she just beat me herself and told me i was a liar and that if I made her loose another man I was going to live on the street. I looked Nyree in his eyes and told him i hated my mother, i told him how i didnt speak to her at all.. when i was 17 i always wondered why my father wasnt around why he didnt love me i cried for my daddy at night when i was young, my mother would beat me because i looked like him, she told me she didnt love me i hated her but i hated myself also. My mother would tell me lies that if I was a good girl my daddy would come take me away but all my life he never came so I grew up thinking I was a bad child. i always use to see this guy that favored me in appearance, i saw him every Tuesday when i was n high school he was always on Glenwood road at the flea market. the last time i saw him he told me he was my father. i knew he was because we shared the same nose and the same stance. i talked to him and he told me he always knew me he told me him and my mother where highs school sweethearts and when she got pregnant he went to prison, my father was a pretty well respected dope man back in the 80's and when his operation was raided he went away for awhile, he told me he didnt get out of jail until i was born and my mother was angry, he told me how my mother wouldn’t allow him to see me, when he gave gifts she give them back. he told me she said to him that I WAS HER CHILD AND HE COULDN’T SEE ME.. i cried in his arms i told him how she treated me the beatings the different men. My daddy told me he had a home that he had gotten his life together and that he wanted to build a relationship with me but he new my mom wouldn’t allow it. i was happy i felt as if he was going to be my protector and i was going to be freed from my mother. me nd my dad met up on Tuesdays for atleast 2mnths without my mother knowing. I began to form tears in my eyes because i knew the next part would be difficult, i told Nyree that i went home and i found my mother sleeping i went into my room and packed my clothing and i waited for my mother to awake. when she awoke i walked into her room and told her i was planning to move with my father, i told her we met every Tuesday and talked i told her that i was upset for all these years because of her personal beef I told my mom that when I was able to leave her home I was gone for good because she was a horrible woman I HATED HER. i told Nyree that all i remembered was a slap in my face, she slapped me she beat me she said i had no respect for her she told me my dad would leave me how he did her, i hated her so much i told Nyree i never saw my father again after that day. Have u looked for him again Nyree asked me and i cried i told him that i never saw him again period, i was so abused and battered that i didnt want to deal with anything my mother made me feel like my dad would leave me if things didn’t work out and I believed HER. When my ex came along telling me he loved me and cared for me i felt like my world had changed because i found someone who wouldnt hurt me. but then he did, between the pain of loosing his child, my mothers abusive ways, my fathers absence and my loosing two kids it hurt me. i told Nyree how i stripped for a living at club blaze on Moreland AVE, his eyes widened but he said nothing, i told him how at 18 i had to leave my mothers house and the only form of income i had was stripping, i was paid well i told him i did and saw things that no one should do or see at 18, i didnt go into detail because i wasnt comfortable enough to. i told him i traveled the whole South dancing, i danced in Tennessee, Alabama, Miami, Augusta. Nyree never suspected this from me. Nyree didnt say a word but i read on his face that he was unimpressed. i told him how i had men set up and even killed for money because i was so misguided and broke. i had to get money at all costs. i just told Nyree i just wanted someone to love me and i love them. he said nothing, because i wasnt the sweet girl he thought he knew i was actually someone with a past. i cried to Nyree and told him how so badly i wanted a child because i wanted to feel important. I needed someone to need me. Nyree assured me he needed me, i asked him for how long- my own father didnt stick around so why would i believe him??? my father could of fucking tried i said aloud as i cried to Nyree, he could of tried i kept yelling that statement. Nyree hugged me and told me he was here for me, i cried to Nyree told him how i so badly wanted to be loved. i felt weak-ashamed at my needy mentality, i use to be so strong i thought to myself. but i needed Nyree to complete me! i quietly cried to Nyree. Im here for you forever Nyree told me.. I wanted so badly to believe him but I new my past would forever haunt me I Just Prayed I wouldn’t Loose my soul mate do to my insecurities….